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Ups, Downs & Bag

The past week has been.. hmm.. what’s the word.. INTERESTING! well, i did experience ups and down during these few days but i am fine and wanting more out of my life. =) It’s been really busy at work when some days i don’t even time to eat my lunch. It’s weird how i don’t feel hungry at all when i’m working my ass off. My 1st policy forum is coming on 21 March and i was having trouble looking for panelists as the 2 i have invited did not revert. But in the end it was good as i have confirmed at least 1. But need another panelist still. If not it will be just 1 panelist and my Adviser. =( I’ve also been rushing to send out YOUTHSLead programme for this year. Actually i’m kinda looking forward to this project to start as it will be exciting and it’s all about training. The YM girls have been buzzing around the office this week because of our national policy forum and the girls had to help the team to prepare the files for the reading materials for the participants! We were like a factory churning out all the 120 completed files in less than 2 hours.

We still had the time to pose for some photos! LOL!

This week, I’ve also been reminded on something that got me really down when i was in poly. Something that i thought i have accepted over the years but in fact i was running away from reality all these years. Doing the things i wanted to do, using my situation as an excuse that i should even do what i want and be rebellious and not heed my mum’s advice of protecting myself and not living in other countries alone. Haemophilia is something unexpected that came into my life that changed my life’s perspective and the way i lead my life. In the past, i wouldn’t have thought of traveling the world and experiencing things/cultures/life in so many different ways. Being in ICU was scary especially being only 18 at that time, seeing needles for blood tests constantly wasn’t something i wanted. I think i was frustrated in the past as i was frequenting SGH to find out what is really wrong and no one had really told me why i was in ICU and why i ended up rejecting FFP. I have also been crying quite a bit after going through that period as I was thinking a lot about life and family. My doctor told me i couldn’t do a lot of things and i had to really take care of myself. He even told me no contact sports, no dangerous activities and also not to give birth. I love kids, I would love to have my own. I was depressed when i heard that as i thought to myself, no man would want a woman who can’t bear him a child. Or rather, no man’s mother would want a daughter-in-law who can’t bear a child for the family. I thought i was going to be alone for the rest of my life. So i decided to stay single and i did for 4 years after finding out i have haemophilia.

Since then, i’ve lived my life knowing that what i have and having dreams of going overseas and experiencing whole new things that i can’t find in Singapore. I’ve been to France for exchange which my mum wasn’t very supportive of the trip after my family found out about my condition but I love her for letting me go still and my brother for sponsoring my air ticket there. =) I have also traveled so much for bowling and always had a dream to live overseas for a few years. I held that dream with me for a few years and to achieve that, I knew I had to win a gold medal at Asian Games. I trained like there’s no tomorrow.  Even though i had to work at SBF as full-time staff to cover daily expenses, working 7 days a week because they incorporate my training schedules in which I’m very appreciative of them for doing it. I trained hard for 2 years and working at the same time to achieve my medals at Asian Games which allowed me to upgrade myself overseas. Even though i hoped so much to be able to go to the states to take my degree, i was afraid monetary issues i may have as i did not have enough to cover my entire studies in states. And so i went to Perth! =) I’m very grateful to God for bringing such good things to my life.

Well enough of how my life have changed since then, but somehow my past caught up with me as i wanted to extract my wisdom tooth and sometimes it gets inflamed and i can’t open my mouth fully and it’s really painful. I made an appointment with National Dental Centre and met the doctor. I had to fill a form with my medical history and when it was my turn to see the dentist, my mood changed. When the doctor saw that form, he said ‘I don’t wanna see you’. I think he was joking but he sounded quite serious though. It kinda brought a lot of emotions back like the frustrations I felt in the past and he said many many things after that. I walked out of the room crying and everything i remembered about those days like the blood testing and being hospitalised came rushing back and made me cry while i was driving home. My mum was shocked but i was glad she was with me. She even wanted to complain about the doctor. I came to realise I’ve been running away from it and have never really accepted it being part of me, part of my life. I never thought that it was something that i had to seriously consider if there was something i wanted to do that may be dangerous for me. I guess now i have made my peace with it and accepted that no matter what, i have to live with it. God has been great to me and this one thing that he had given me, which brings tears, is what he had given me to balance my life. Not everyone’s life is that perfect. And i hope i can find someone who loves me for me and accepting what comes along with me. =) And there are millions of people out there who are suffering more than i am. So i should be grateful and try to find time to help those people. =)

For the spirit lifting part of the week, my mum had asked me whether I’m interested to join my parents, my bro and my sis-in-law to Germany and she’s willing to pay for my air ticket!! I was extremely happy as I’ve been wanting to go on a long trip. I was actually wanting so much to go to the states for a while. Europe is good too. At least somewhere non-asian and i will be able to see beautiful landscapes and nature. I long to have the feeling of taking an adventure!! I love going on road trips and miss my time in europe so much!  I’m glad I’m going back there again this year! =) I was jumping for joy when ah ling approved my leave to go on the trip! *yippee* Germany & Italy here I come!! Now I’m contemplating whether I should get a semi-pro camera. I’ve been wanting to do more with photography but been holding back a little due to monetary issues. Hehe who knows i may get one for my future trips! =)

Talking about buying something new, I’ve bought something new and expensive! Well to me it is! Hehe I’ve always wanted to buy a Longchamp bag and my ex has always discouraged me to get one because everyone is carrying it. So i decided to buy something special that not everyone would have it but still kinda common. Hehe who knows i may even come back with a limited edition one when i go to europe! =)

This is what i bought via spree and I’m still waiting for it to arrive! I spent $237 for this and i think I’ve saved about 50 bucks if i buy it from the boutiques. =)

I met up with kok, ian, raymond & shereen for korean dinner near to kok’s house at bukit timah. The food was great and thank you kok for treating! i will treat the whole gang and next time ok!!! =) Actually he kinda got bullied into paying by all of us. But he still paid. hehe so i decided to treat the rest for ice cream at Udder’s.

Can you imagine that these are just the appetizers that normally korean restaurants would just provide kimchi and ikan bilis and some other stuff. This restaurant was very generous and they had many many different kinds of appetizers for us! I love this restaurant now! haha

I think the post is long enough for now as i’ve crammed everything that happened in the past week in. So many many things to look forward to this year! Taking my Advanced Open Water license, going to Krabi with Mun, taking a trip with bowling peeps, taking a trip with D6 is possible & lastly my trip to europe! *jumps*

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MJ Night!

Last saturday was a fun filled day. After i woke up i went to office to clear my outstanding minutes i had to write especially my transport and petty cash claims! haha i went over to meet Aileen and peeps whom i haven’t met in ages! haha since after i left for studies which was in 2007. It’s madness how long i haven’t met them. I didn’t manage to meet Gary though. Managed to meet new people of LiquidXcape too. Enting is getting so fit and fabian is getting fit too! haha but it was fun seeing all of them especially getting to meet Vincent. He is damn funny and enjoyed myself doing sales for them for the TackOnz product. Hehe. I was quite surprised by the turn out of people at the booths on Saturday but it’s good to see the crowd and to know that many Singaporeans are into sports one way or another. =)

After meeting them, i met up with Roger and Tiac at Jurong Point to have ayam penyet for dinner. The queue was so long when i arrived! haha looks like really alot of people wanted to have ayam penyet that day! but it’s not bad la seriously. Unique taste. =) After dinner, went over to Tiac’s house to leave my car there so that he can drive me around without me driving.  Haha! I’ve waited so long for this day to come! haha have someone to drive me around! haha sit back and relax! haha Thanks tiac!!! Tiac went to fetch Yuanjin and Shereen after that and finally the MJ started! haha had 2 tables that night and played 2 rounds! hehe i won $23 bucks! haha thanks li yu for the encouragement that i should win! haha and supper is coming your way!! haha the guys were quite funny, they kept saying they were hungry half way through and didn’t think of ordering McDonald’s while playing. After we are done playing mahjong which is about 4am, they decided to go have McDonalds!! Haha! we were like ‘you could have just ordered and we didn’t have to drive 3 cars out to have it!’ Funny thing was, kok and eddie wanted to have chicken nuggets when they have already changed their menu to the breakfast menu. *confused*

I think kok will remember 7 March 2010 forever! On this faithful day, Kok was just damn suay! haha he couldn’t believe that he is just damn suay when playing with eddie scissors, paper & stone. Both he and eddie actually ordered quite a bit of food to eat. Like 2 Deluxe meal (1 per pax) plus 2 extra breakfast burgers to share. Those who ordered big breakfast didn’t managed to finish their muffin bread and the guys decided to play with kok the number game to test his luck. It was hilarious that round after round, he is suay enough to lose and had to eat all the muffin bread. Think he ate like 5 to 6 pieces. Haha! We played til like 6am and left for home as everyone was dead beat from the MJ and laughing at McDonalds. haha

We should do it again! haha but minus the heavy heavy McDonalds breakfast people!

First post of 2010

It’s been so so long my last post. My last post was mid last year which was even before i graduated from Curtin. To summarise what has happened after graduation, I’ve found a job and been meeting lots of new people and been busy with organising events for my department.

I started work less than 1 month since i came back from Perth. Mainly becoz i needed the money and of course to save enough so that i can start traveling and do the things i wanna do. =) Currently working in People’s Association Youth Movement which can be quite exciting and get to meet people from everywhere, which helps in networking and knowing more friends. =)

Projects I’ve worked on for the past 8 months:

1. Shanghai Exchange (Incoming) – this was good because I’ve learnt so much about their culture and people from the delegates.
2. President’s Challenge 2009 – my first big event of PAYM.
3. YECs Biennial General Meeting – I came in when the whole of Singapore is electing their new committee for YEC. So it was a little hectic!
4. Learning@PAYM – a series of workshops which I’ve done with the T&D team for the YECs. I kinda like it since I’ve done T&D in the past too!
5. Cambodia Exchange (Incoming) – similar to Shanghai one.
6. City Alive! 2010 – coolest project I’ve done so far. =)

There are other projects that I’ve helped with rest of team which is interesting too. =) Quite abit of things to learn from this job.

Currently working on:

1. 2 Policy Forums (21 March & May)
2. N.E.X.T Challenge (July)
3. CommFest 2010 (10 April)
4. NE Gathering (28 March)
5. RCYC (Formation in RCs, so indefinite timeline. lol)
6. YOUTHSLead 2010 (6 month-long programme)

Looking back at the last few months that I have not posted, quite abit of things have happened in my life. Things that I thought was certain became something that is no longer part of my life. Now I’m chasing something different. I’m chasing my career and how i lead my life. The past few months have been tough adjusting myself to a new lifestyle but I believe that i have made good progress. =) I’m trying to live my life as happy as i can with all my friends and family.

Recently in office we’ve been a little crazy with all the photo taking and fooling around once in a while to take our minds off work! haha Ah hui was playing with my glasses and i think i got her crazy about glasses when she has perfect eyesight! haha

That was what me and Ah hui was doing after we went to lunch sometime this week. Haha. Yesterday night Ah Yun, Ah Hui and I went to Haji Lane to shop after work. I bought a nice off shoulder top accompanied with a necklace and ah hui bought shades. I felt like i wasn’t in Singapore when i was shopping there as the shops ambience was very different and i love it! =) Ah yun brought us to Fika Cafe for Dinner/Supper. It is Halal certified swedish food and loooovvvveeee the food!! The wall of photos that i took is from the cafe and i just love that place. Very homely, Scandinavian kinda feeling.

Time to sleep! it’s pretty late! Going to office again tomorrow since i have minutes to finish and work to clear! After that going to Pit Building to meet the Aileen and LiquidXcape people as they have a booth there. It’s been so long since i last saw them! time to catch up! =)

‘Somehow i felt that it was fated that i come to have met you again even though our paths have crossed in the past. Even though when our paths crossed in the past, we did not chat or kept in contact. We had common friends and were linked in some way but i couldn’t remember you were part of my life. Let me have to chance to know you better and hopefully to be able to keep you in my life forever.’

Nostalgia

I know i haven’t been blogging much because there’s nothing much to blog about. Well what’s new in perth except that i’m graduating? graduating from uni is so different from graduating from poly. Because once you’ve graduated from uni, you will be out there in the real world working your ass off. When i graduated poly, i still had bowling and i didn’t really had the corporate experience. Now, it’s my turn to face the real world, earn enough money to survive and enjoy my life and make my life as meaningful as i want it to be.

Sly recently put up pictures of sec sch. Yes everyone who is from my sec sch you should know that yes he did it and i’m sure all of you have seen it online. We looked so young and innocent. It was so fun looking at the photos and i’m glad my dear baby did blur me out on the photos because i didn’t wanna show everyone and REMIND everyone how i was in the past. haha not sure whether my previous boyfriend opened their eyes enough when they wanted me to be with them. haha but it brought back a nostalgic feeling like how everyone talks about their lives in all the schools they’ve been in and how much they miss them and what crazy things they have done.

I now feel nostalgic and i look back on how i spent most of my time in pri school, which were mainly training for bowling, badminton, netball and so many other CCAs that i had and hanging out with my friends after school at macs or at their houses and how much my mum screams at me for not going home after school. haha it was madness. Sec sch was again mainly training for netball (which i quit when i was in sec 2 because bowling is taking too much of my time) and of course bowling. I miss the times D6 hangs out and have so much fun and i used to talk everyday with wk on the phone as well as emma! haha amazing we could talk for hours and hours. I guess we were meant to be friends for life! haha.

Poly was fun as well of course due to my best friend, she made life fun in poly with all her craziness and always sabo-ing people. haha. i missed trying to make my table messy with notes and papers all over in front of Angela Tan to “show” her i did my work and she never calls me to go up and answer (which i actually didn’t do) haha love that! aren’t i smart? haha and we always used to play basketball or some sort of sport when we had long breaks or even me driving the girls to junction 8 to eat and walk around. i miss those times as i WAS the skinniest then. I could see my hip bone and i loved my long hair. (those who can’t rem how i look in poly, please ask me for my driving license! i love that picture!! haha)

I watched gossip girl’s finale and i kind of loved it because it had happy endings and i’m wondering would that be the end of the show. haha i can’t wait for their next season if they do have it planned. it got me thinking whether i would miss my uni days. somehow, uni is different in another country. If i had studied in singapore, i feel it would be so much better. But my interests pulled me here and i’m glad i’m in a recognised school and graduating with double major and distinction i hope. haha i wonder would i miss my life here as well as the people i’ve met.

i guess we’ll have to wait a few years down to road to really know wun we? =)

Freedom

I feel a sense of wanting to travel after i’ve seen a friends video he took in Vienna. I kinda miss that feeling of travelling, seeing the nice and beautiful places, be in a place that snows, have snow fight and of course have fun! Suddenly feel the urge to want to escape from my life and be carefree and feel free from everything.

Maybe school has been stressing me out and other things as well. So many places i want to see and explore. So many things i want to do. But am i able to do them? Am i capable enough to earn enough money for those stuff? haha i have no idea. If only my last semester i could do an exchange somewhere else than perth i would have the chance to explore the world. Oh well, it’s my last sem already, there’s nothing much i can do about it. =)

Take care everyone!

The Sims 3

Hi everyone.. i don’t know if you guys know i love playing The Sims. And Sims 3 is launching soon! So excited! i can do so much with this new game! Take a look at some photos!

Photos credits to Sims 3 Real Estate. http://www.sims3realestate.com/index.html

I think i’m gonna love the new Sims 3 when it’s available for Mac computers! =) or PC is good too! =) You can customise so many things. Now the sims look more real with no edgy looks but they can look like anyone you know! hehe cool huh?

I’m so looking forward to this! =)

As we grow older….

Is it harder to be happy as we grow older?

From when we were young, all that matters is that we get to play, have things we want, have our parents, get to eat what we want, we are happy? why as we age we seem to be more unhappy? unsatisfied with the way life is? why do we tear when we think about things in life more often than we do so when we were young? why did our minds become so complicated that it gets messed up? Is it due to education? has education made us unhappy, cynical?

I ask myself this question as i myself don’t feel happier than i used to be. I used to be so carefree, did what i wanted, live my own life, went out as much as i wanted not caring what parents said, what happened now?

Our lifes now seems so occupied with problems, troubles, responsibilities, things that keeps you awake at night, things that worries you. Where are the things that keeps you excited, makes you happy? As we grow older, we have greater responsibilities, and the people that truly make you happy is yourself. Sometimes, even people you love wouldn’t make you happy. They may even make you sad. Why has love made things so difficult in many people’s lifes that some may even think of killing themself? That’s how life is, full of unexpected, full of new beginnings. I wish i have a new beginning. I WANT a new beginning.

Just ranting. I want to be happy. And i want my family and friends to be too. I’m not sure myself what’s the meaning of my life. Who do i live for? Who do i breathe for? Why do i do the things i do for people for? I hope to find my answer soon as the past year has worn me out physically, emotionally and mentality. I need my pillar of strength.

Take care everyone! Sorry for my random ranting.

One word

Emo.

To my dear baobei di

I’m writing this now with a deepest sadness i feel and with the heaviest heart and with tears rolling down my cheeks. I feel sad because of alot of things.

Firstly, i’m sorry i wasn’t there with you at this important time because i’m here in this stupid place, stuck here and can’t be back to help you through this painful road in your life. I’m also sorry that i didn’t read your blog to see what was actually happening and shereen talked to me like nothing happened. I’ve always tried to be there for you and always try to support you when i can because knowing you, you hardly lean on people. Sorry that i haven’t been there for you since i left to study and somehow left you when you needed me most. So many times when you were going thru’ this i was chatting with you online but i still didn’t know.

I do care for her and sometimes i know you do not want to talk about it i just ask questions like how is she doing and all. I only rem the last time i saw her was CNY this year and i was looking forward to the coming CNY next year.

I can’t believe i’m still tearing now. I didn’t know how much she can affect me. I feel lost for you, your family and me.

Secondly, I’m going to miss her laughter when she talks to me and how she talks about you in front of me like telling me ur still a kid. She’s always been so welcoming to me and nice as well. I’m gonna miss her too. I feel sad that i can’t get to see her and at least let sly do it for me. I will miss her because she’s the only one i know that has the same birthday as me and we have to spend our birthdays with my di. On different occasions of coz. My birthday is gonna be a sad reminder to him that he misses you.

Di, you’ve been strong and you still will be strong for your family and yourself. More so for her. I will help her take care of you so she’ll have a peace of mind as well. Cherish your memories of her ok? She loves you too. =)

I really don’t know what to blog anymore. Mind in a mess now.

This year has been a down year emotionally for me. *sobz*